All of a sudden the skys darkened and lightning and thunder are doing their light/sound show. Rain so softly falls and all of a sudden I hear all the car alarms going off with the lightning so so close it came simultaneous with the thunder.
Yes as you may know it just got very very dark in Miami-Dade and it is softly raining. Feels peaceful and nice. The idea of ordering breakfast from Sergios sounds very appealing. God they make the best cuban coffee and when it arrives it is still hot! Not only that, they deliver until midnight! Want to see a fun site... this is Sergios: http://www.sergios.com/ It even has some nice latin jazz!
I used to hate Miami, but it is growing on me. The longer I stay the more I love it. Its idyosincracies are growing on me. So am I getting more and more jaded by the city? Who knows?
So here I am and everyone is wondering what I want to do today, what plans I have... and I am in a state of being... productive, unproductive, determine, undetermined, etc. It is the same each and every day -- tabola rassa -- it keeps me from being dissapointed.
Live as a free spirited woman is all I want for today.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The Pastor's Ass...
After I wrote the previous blog today I found this very old joke which shows us not to worry about what others think. Just wanted to share it with you. Enjoy. This is not meant to say that we should not listen to others. We should, but when the final decision comes, it is ultimately ours. I have learned that the hard way as a caregiver.
***
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer! Have a nice day!
***
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer! Have a nice day!
In response to an open thread...
Today a dear friend asked me to change my name on his blog page so as not to let the world know that I am his dear friend. Funny how that works. Isn't that like an oxymoron? Well I am his dear friend and his webpage is his sweetheart so don't get me wrong. I am in the losing end of the stick as far as that is concerned. lol
So as I ponder as to what name to use, I realize that I don't want to use none but my own. I then thought that I should just come and write here in my blogpage in response to there. Wouldn't that be nice? I can then say and do whatever I want. I would just have to have a link. Oooh no, don't think a link to my mind would be good for that website! lol
Nothing makes sense as far as the rest of the world is concerned, but I know what to do, and I will. Here noone dictates my writing, my moods, my anything. That concept makes me smile. Nice liberating sensation... wow. Needed this.
This is my blog and this is where it is really happening for me. So here I am. Now I have to package this baby to get it rolling.
So tell me what it is that you want today. This is what I want:
So as I ponder as to what name to use, I realize that I don't want to use none but my own. I then thought that I should just come and write here in my blogpage in response to there. Wouldn't that be nice? I can then say and do whatever I want. I would just have to have a link. Oooh no, don't think a link to my mind would be good for that website! lol
Nothing makes sense as far as the rest of the world is concerned, but I know what to do, and I will. Here noone dictates my writing, my moods, my anything. That concept makes me smile. Nice liberating sensation... wow. Needed this.
This is my blog and this is where it is really happening for me. So here I am. Now I have to package this baby to get it rolling.
So tell me what it is that you want today. This is what I want:
- I want to be able to say and do whatever I want and not be taken adversely or criticized. [friend said that this is if I wanted to live in a world by myself]
- I want to be able to express myself without feeling inadequate at other's interpretation or response to my feelings.
- I want to be able to feel free to come, go, stay, leave, whenever for whatever reason and that it is ok and not questioned and that my reason is my reason and it does not have to make sense to anyone. [friend said that this is ok if I wanted to live in a world by myself]
- I want to be able to be happy, sad, concerned, angry, disgrunted, pist, peaceful or whatever emotion one has and not be labeled or judged for feeling it too many days in a row or for a period of time not quite acceptable for the person doing the judging.
- I want to be able to just be and know that out there there is someone that sees me just the way I am and they don't want to change a thing about me, because they love me, and gently work together to resolve the personal baggage we both carry.
- I want this person to accept me and not judge me.
- I want the monster in my chest to go completely.
- I want to just be who I am and it will be ok.
Is it possible? What do you think?
Friday, July 24, 2009
A new beginning
Today I embarck into a new beginning embracing each and every juncture. One in which I have to be consistent about carrying out my decisions.
I am very happy to be alive today. Last night my mami came to me in my sleep and advised me to relax that all is good and that I will succeed in everything ... and then there was nothingness. You know I woke up. Was this a figment of my imagination or was she really sending me a message?
How did she know that last night of all nights I was in need of her warmth? Not necessarily her advice because we never saw eye to eye. But just her motherly care... and to know that she believes in me on a night that I lost myself. A night of emptiness vs. a night of enlightment.
Thank you mami, whether you were or not in my life last night. I needed your warmth and you comforted me. Thank you mami.
Another thing, if this is really you, please go help your grandchild. He really needs you!
I am very happy to be alive today. Last night my mami came to me in my sleep and advised me to relax that all is good and that I will succeed in everything ... and then there was nothingness. You know I woke up. Was this a figment of my imagination or was she really sending me a message?
How did she know that last night of all nights I was in need of her warmth? Not necessarily her advice because we never saw eye to eye. But just her motherly care... and to know that she believes in me on a night that I lost myself. A night of emptiness vs. a night of enlightment.
Thank you mami, whether you were or not in my life last night. I needed your warmth and you comforted me. Thank you mami.
Another thing, if this is really you, please go help your grandchild. He really needs you!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
one that lingers...
There is a feeling, a sensation, a moment…
one that lingers…
thus reinventing itself every day…
should I call it love?
should I call it life with you?
should I just feel it?
should I not define its nature?
should I just surrender to it?
I dedicate this to you (and you know who you are) and to all those out there who think they are in love! Don't think it! Feel it!
one that lingers…
thus reinventing itself every day…
should I call it love?
should I call it life with you?
should I just feel it?
should I not define its nature?
should I just surrender to it?
***
I dedicate this to you (and you know who you are) and to all those out there who think they are in love! Don't think it! Feel it!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
My new life and so so many questions...
It is July 19, 2009 and I wrote this within the last month.
I feel vulnerable today and petrified. After my mother passed away and my son left home I had not realized how much this had affected me personally. I do have family in Miami and have hidden away from them and anyone I can get close to, anyone with the exception of the new person in my life. Maybe this creates an extra burden on him trying to listen to all my challenges. I don’t know.
Will I be a good partner to this person that has made an impact in my life?
Will I learn to be a good partner or will he get tired of me?
Will we learn from each other or is it going to be a one way street?
Afraid not to measure up to so many people, his family. So many people inquiring about you… so many people caring… for some reason it does not feel comforting. Why? Because I do not have the same background. Don't get me wrong I welcome this family into my life, but will I? I have issues getting close to my own!
I just have to trust my universe and my loved one and in so doing reach the level of intimacy that I so desire! :)
I feel vulnerable today and petrified. After my mother passed away and my son left home I had not realized how much this had affected me personally. I do have family in Miami and have hidden away from them and anyone I can get close to, anyone with the exception of the new person in my life. Maybe this creates an extra burden on him trying to listen to all my challenges. I don’t know.
Will I be a good partner to this person that has made an impact in my life?
Will I learn to be a good partner or will he get tired of me?
Will we learn from each other or is it going to be a one way street?
Afraid not to measure up to so many people, his family. So many people inquiring about you… so many people caring… for some reason it does not feel comforting. Why? Because I do not have the same background. Don't get me wrong I welcome this family into my life, but will I? I have issues getting close to my own!
I just have to trust my universe and my loved one and in so doing reach the level of intimacy that I so desire! :)
Note to Daddy - Just Because!
To my dearest Daddy on this day:
I remember the times I used to hide in the back floor of the 1952 Chevy when you were going to get a beer at the neighborhood pub.
You taught me to be inquisitive and to find answers to my questions by research. This was a valuable lesson that I have taken seriously over the years. Growing up I spoke English to you and you would speak back to me in Spanish. It was a bit strange but it served its purpose of both of us learning how to at least speak a different language fluently.
Daddy you vanished from my life after college and did not surface until about 1990, 18 years later. When I saw you so many years later and you were in that hospital bed in Brooklyn, I felt numb. Did not feel this was you, my childhood hero laying there. It was a moment of realization. I was numb. Feeling of numbness made me sad. Sad that the love and adoration I felt for this man laying there was gone. Completely vanished.
***
I had written this for father's day and never got around to it since I was planning trip to Montreal. So here it is. Just a note to Daddy.
I remember the times I used to hide in the back floor of the 1952 Chevy when you were going to get a beer at the neighborhood pub.
You taught me to be inquisitive and to find answers to my questions by research. This was a valuable lesson that I have taken seriously over the years. Growing up I spoke English to you and you would speak back to me in Spanish. It was a bit strange but it served its purpose of both of us learning how to at least speak a different language fluently.
Daddy you vanished from my life after college and did not surface until about 1990, 18 years later. When I saw you so many years later and you were in that hospital bed in Brooklyn, I felt numb. Did not feel this was you, my childhood hero laying there. It was a moment of realization. I was numb. Feeling of numbness made me sad. Sad that the love and adoration I felt for this man laying there was gone. Completely vanished.
***
I had written this for father's day and never got around to it since I was planning trip to Montreal. So here it is. Just a note to Daddy.
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