ONLY IN AMERICA

What a country!
ONLY IN AMERICA ! ! !
Stella AwardsIt's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliarwith these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck whospilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's inNew Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lidoff the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Whowould ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That' s right;these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in theU.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. Sokeep your head scratcher handy. Here are the Stella's for the past year:

*SEVENTH PLACE * Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of herpeers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was runninginside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprisedby the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son. Start scratching!

* SIXTH PLACE * Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medicalexpenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Trumanapparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car whenhe was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. Scratch some more...

* FIFTH PLACE * Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house hehad just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson,the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get thegarage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because thedoor connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled itshut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on acase of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner'sinsurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jurysaid the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. Weshould all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching.. There aremore...... Double hand scratching after this one.....

* FOURTH PLACE * Jerry Williams, of Little Rock , Arkansas , garnered 4th Place in theStella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after beingbitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though thebeagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not getas much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might havebeen provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbedover the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pelletgun. Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

* THIRD PLACE * Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania because a jury ordered aPhiladelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on aspilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink wason the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 secondsearlier during an argument. Only two more so ease up on the scratching....

*SECOND PLACE* Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in anearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor,knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying tosneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 covercharge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000.....oh,yeah, plus dental expenses. Ok. Here we go!!

* FIRST PLACE * This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs... MervGrazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased new 32-footWinnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game,having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mphand calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago tomake herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left thefreeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinskisued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn'tactually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. TheOklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed theirmanuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has anyrelatives who might also buy a motor home. Are we, as a society, getting more stupid.... or are more members of Congress serving on juries these days?