Thank you for being in my life...

November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving from my perspective...

One of the things I am thankful for are my herbs and here is my mint plant in all its splendor. Since love has been in this household, the herbs have been really happy!

November 26, 2009

Thank you all for your warm welcome into this small (what I call in my creative brain) department of my life. Some feel at times that I share more than I should and that it is too personal. I care to offer my sentiments and my life in my process and journey. I care to be real and offer to you what passes through my mind and how my soul is affected in the process. I care to give you my reality from my perspective, of course. I care to grow, develop, and understand myself clearly as I write. I wish to see you as you experience my transformation into a butterfly. I care for you to feel my pain and by doing so understand me better. I care for you to feel my joy and excitement. I care that you feel the mother in me. I care to share with you my challenge of “balance” in my life. I care to share with you that I am in a stage in my life that Depra Chopra’s 7 Rules of Spirituality have a very needed revisit. I care to share with you that I am proud that those tools are so very present and at my reach.

The first Rule I believe is the power of pure potentiality. I will listen to the cassette (yes I am dated), to recall this one. It will take one time and it will all come back. Studied this book at the very challenging time in my life and I succeeded in “coming out of the dark” as Gloria Esteban sings in her song. We all go through dark moments. Some longer than others. We all have our “demons” that either control our lives or not. But all in all we are all OK! We are a compilation of thoughts recorded in our brain, that frame who we are. When we understand where our thoughts and our reactions come from then we can see that we are in a different time and space and changing as the clouds in the sky and we can make peace within..

Philosophical this morning?. Yes, the world is my playground. Have been playing in the kitchen and back to it I shall return. Cooking to share with my loved ones. That is something I enjoy doing.

Did not sleep very much but life is good and as painful as it is, I will have to hear people ask me about my son. I will have to see families together and miss him. I do have blessings, I have my baby and he will be with me and that makes it all worthwhile. For these few things, I am thankful.

I humbly wish to thank you all for being in my life. You have touched it somehow and you are all welcome. We all had a path that led us to our encounter. We all traced a moment together in this existence. That will never change. Thank you for your lessons and for your support. Thank you for your patience when I wrote words that were not quite of your liking or you did not agree.

Have a wonderful and thankful experience today! Pray for the American Indians and every group of people that has been abused by others who feel they are a superior class.

Kids Reenact The First Thanksgiving

Babelgum: Kids Reenact The First Thanksgiving

This video is something to think about. Watch it.

Always have been upset with what happened to the American Indians. Today I will not celebrate the thanksgiving with its original flavor. It will be special.

I thank my universe for my life, my job, my boyfriend and all the wonderful things that I share with you that I love, my herb garden, my beautiful apartment and view and my family.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Slaying of a gay teen in Puerto Rico

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/11/18/puerto.rico.gay.teen.slain/index.html

Suspect charged with murder in slaying of gay teen in Puerto Rico

Police say the body of Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado, 19, had been decapitated, dismembered and partially burned.

STORY HIGHLIGHTS
NEW: Juan A. Martinez Matos was charged Monday in connection with the slaying
Steven Lopez Mercado had been decapitated, dismembered, partially burned
Prosecutors are weighing whether to employ hate crimes provision.

Hate Crimes
cnnRelatedTopicKeys.push('Puerto_Rico');

Puerto Rico
cnnRelatedTopicKeys.push('Murder_and_Homicide');

Murder and Homicide
San Juan, Puerto Rico (CNN) -- The suspect in the brutal slaying of a gay teenager in Puerto Rico was charged Wednesday with first-degree murder and four other counts, the prosecutor in the case told CNN.
Juan A. Martinez Matos was arrested late Monday in connection with the slaying of Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado, whose decapitated, dismembered and partially burned body was found Friday afternoon on a road in central Puerto Rico.
In addition to murder, Martinez Matos was charged with three weapons violations and one count of hiding evidence, prosecutor Yaritza Carrasquillo said.
Prosecutors are weighing whether to recommend that Martinez Matos be charged under federal hate crimes law, Carrasquillo said. That decision was not expected to come Wednesday.
The U.S. gay community is asking authorities to investigate whether the slaying was a hate crime, said Pedro Julio Serrano of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.
"The brutality of the slaying and the fact that he was openly gay leads us to believe it was very possibly a hate crime," Serrano said Tuesday.
Puerto Rico is a U.S. territory, which means federal agencies have jurisdiction.
The U.S. Attorney's Office, in consultation with local officials and other agencies, would determine whether the slaying will be prosecuted as a hate crime.

"It's at a very preliminary stage," Lymarie Llovet, a spokeswoman for the U.S. attorney's office in San Juan, Puerto Rico's capital, said Tuesday. "There's the potential for a federal investigation."

Martinez Matos, 26, was arrested late Monday at his home in the Mogote de Cayey neighborhood, said Wilson Porrata Mariani, another spokesman for the Guayama police district.
Police impounded two cars and also are investigating a home in another neighborhood, Huertas del Barrio Beatriz de Cidra.

Lopez Mercado's body was found on Puerto Rico Road 184 in another part of town, Barrio Guavate de Cayey, police said.

Authorities are investigating whether the killing involved sex, Hector Agosto Rodriguez, police commander in the town of Guayama, told CNN affiliate WLII TV.

In footage aired on Telemundo-Puerto Rico, Martinez Matos was asked by a reporter if he was gay, to which he replied no, and added, "(Lopez Mercado) tried to kill me."

According to Telemundo and other local reports, Martinez Matos confessed to authorities that he picked Lopez Mercado up from the street, thinking that he was a woman.

When he realized that Lopez Mercado was a man, Martinez Matos said he regressed to an incident when he was sexually assaulted during a prison term, Telemundo and local reports said.
That's when a conflict started between the two, authorities said, leading to the teen's death.
The slaying has reverberated through the gay and lesbian community in the United States, where supporters started a Facebook page called "Justice for Jorge Steven Lopez -- End Hate Crimes." The group demands an investigation by Puerto Rico Gov. Luis Fortuno and prosecution of the case under the federal hate crime law.

The Federal Hate Crimes Law was enacted in 1969 to guard the rights of any U.S. citizen who is targeted because of race, color, religion or national origin, or because of an attempt to engage in one of six protected activities, such as voting, going to school or attending a public venue.
President Obama signed into law last month the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act, which extends federal protection to illegal acts motivated by a person's actual or perceived gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability.

If Martinez Matos is charged under the hate crimes provision, it is believed it would be the first such case under the latest addition to the law.

My own personal owl!

This is a very frequent view from my apartment balcony. I see the pidgeons holding their guard on my neighbor's roof. He has bought an owl and they still don't respect his space. He has to clean up after them, so I understand. They used to come and deposit strange bodily fluids on top of my herbs and that was not acceptable. So I undersand the bibi gun . I had to take matters into my own hands so I had to find the best owl could find that would deliver the goods.



I went to Montreal, Canada and brought back a specimen that keeps the pidgeons away. I happen to love him, but I wonder about why the birds stay away... He he... Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my solution, my own personal owl:

Don't get any ideas neighbor, I am not sharing...

Coquito!!!!

For those of you who are not puertorican or do not know what Coquito is, let me enlighten you.

Coquito is a mixture of milk and coconut milk, rum, brandy, a pinch of salt, and a small slash of Vanilla. The marriage between the coconut and the rum is one that one has to experience. So far this recipe has won all the "eggnog" contests it has entered. Should I share with you?

***

Coquito Recipe (Hope you realize what a gift I am sharing!) HO! HO! -- I sense some trepidation in my part ... let's see if you get lucky!

Preparation:

Take half a gallon of milk and wash the container properly so as no to have any residuals of the milk.

Ingredients:

2 cans of evaporated milk

2 cans of Coco Lopez Coconut Cream (same stuff used in making Pina Coladas)

1 pinch of salt

1/2 teaspoon of Vanilla

1 shake of Cinnamon

about 1 cup white rum (my fav is Don Q Cristal)

1 tablespoon Brandi (any kind) -- is for making it smooth....

Procedure

Take all of the ingredients and pour into the half gallon milk container cover it and shake away. I then put in clean water bottles to give away.

Serve: in shot or cordial glasses -- LESS IS MORE WOULD BE APPROPRIATE HERE - This exclamation is meant to alert the weak of heart.

Or if I am going to a big party, I bring 1/2 to a gallon of same. It has always been voted as the best one. Sorry for that. It is my humble opinion that it is the best. I must give credit to my sister Chiqui for sharing the easy recipe with me.

After I stabbed myself about 6 years ago opening a coconut, I made the decision to befriend Coco Lopez and contribute to their annual revenues at the end of the year!

Make it, share it, you will be remembered.

From my kitchen to yours with all my love during this Holiday season!

Hey... if you keep posted, maybe I will share my coquito flan or caramel custard!

Pesto Dip and more...

November 25, 2009

Pesto Dip!

A few days ago I decided to have a light dinner and just enjoy my pesto with just about anything I could think of dipping into it. So I got bread sticks, bocconcini, slices of apple, grape tomatoes, celery sticks, crackers, etc. We also had some smoked salmon! I took a photo and believe me this harvest was the best ever and they always will be from now on. I have my secrets. J

So here is what I put together. Simple but such an exquisite taste. If you get to try my pesto, you will have discovered something absolutely wonderful. Not one person that I have shared this delicacy has ever come back without raving of the experience.

That makes it all worthwhile when I am cutting, picking the leaves, cleaning them and putting all my love and attention to a great end product.

Here is the photo of that wonderful night with my baby and my treat for him.

Remember the less fortunate...

Today is the eve before that famous thanksgiving event that some of us apprehensively celebrate. I will go through the motions and see if in the process I find all the wonderful things that I will be celebrating tomorrow. Obliterating the thoughts that cripple, as many of us refer to as "demons," would be a great place to start. :)

All the books that I have read over the years on self help say that one has to eradicate the negative by forgiveness and then and only then will one be able to free ones soul from the demons. I also learned that we are spiritual beings with a body attached to us. If this is so I evoke the spirit of my son to reach out and touch me and for that thought, I will be thankful tomorrow. I wonder if I will be able to eat the spread of food tomorrow. I wonder. The slight thought of him being hungry takes my hunger away. Not trying to go there as they say... but the thought crosses my mind.

Even though I have seen that America takes care of their hungry during the holidays. Don't forget the less fortunate during the holiday when we are eating. Remember. Contribute to shelters and organizations that what you feel is your trash. It will be someone else's fortune. Donate $10 in any shelter on line. It takes 5 minutes and maybe it is my son that will get a new pair of shoes for Thanksgiving as he did last year. And for that I will also be thankful. There is no way to hide from them. Thoughts of family together and not. Thoughts of who is family and who is not. Thoughts of whether or not they will see your pain and somehow feel sorry for you. No... pitty no one wants to feel from others ... learned that from my son Dustin. Wherever he may be. That is a blessing... his lessons throughout life and he is still teaching me. For that I will also be thankful. He said blessing some homeless person on the streets was signaling him out from the rest and therefore in some way looking at them in a different way as we would look at any other human being. He said, "they did not want to feel singled out from the rest of the society, mom!" He had never been homeless when he said this. Another lesson from my son about the injustice and lack of appropriate admonishment of the homeless and/or the less fortunate. For that I am also thankful.

In the midst of it all I have managed to bake banana/cranberry bread and made some coquito (puertorican eggnog). I have been cleaning the house as if Santa was really coming to town. HO! HO! HO! Will celebrate Xmas this weekend and will get a tree since my baby is going back home to celebrate the holidays with his family. For this I am also thankful -- that he can go spend time with his family. He is very fortunate. Just want to say that I am going to spell out what I envision my loved son doing this holiday. I envision him living under a roof with others that accept him and if do not love him at least do not interfere with him. He is healthy and he smiles and giggles even if out of context. I always found my son to be OK regardless of what health issues he faced. I always accepted him, even when he shaved his head and his eyebrows. He... he... It was his soul that was ok. For that I am also thankful. And with that thought, I would like to extend a warm wish to all out there and enjoy and appreciate your family, you never know when you will not have them around!

Today I have to find myself,,, and free my spirit!

My beautiful son! Just before he left this is how he looked. Funny, he had gotten the idea that his eyebrows were ugly when he was just very handsome. He was so unhappy with his medication. I hope he is happy in whatever he does. Whatever he encounters. If anyone has seen my baby in the streets of San Francisco, please let me know. I want to know he is alive and doing his thing...

Today I have to find myself… and free my spirit!

November 17, 2009

I have managed to keep my two sisters in Puerto Rico and my sisters in Washington, D.C. They love me unconditionally. That’s a nice feeling. I thank my universe for bringing them into my life.

Now I have new sisters. Its nice. I don’t reach out too much but I try sometimes. I know, I am bad that way. I just don’t call people. I don’t even call my cousin. I welcome their calls but hard to reach out and not enough hours in the day. I don’t have time to clean and relax and run around on weekends to get anything done.

Housework has become a arduous task. I need to get it into a routine or it will continue to take forever to do. I need a standard schedule. Sunday, clean kitchen after weekend to start a clear Monday, clean bathrooms from the weekend traffic; Tuesday, Maria; Thursday, wash clothes; Saturday, dust, vacuum and do the floors. Does not sound so trying. If I can do it, I will be very happy. Just have to get into a routine. Seems I have been out of it for a very long time.

Yesterday was ½ a year without hearing from my son. It hit me like a ton of bricks. There was nothing I could do to take it away. Everything I touched was a Dustin story. The thing that got me the most and made me peaceful, was to lay on the big chair that I inherited from a DC person, which was the “Dustin chair.” Most of his photos where on that chair. He would be Santa Claus (apprehensively at times) on Christmas morning on that chair. So peace came eventually. I wonder if inanimate objects hold the energy of all those that have encountered in its subsistence.

Got to get ready for work. Today is a new day. I dedicated yesterday in its entirety to my son. Today I have to find myself again and free my spirit. I claim it, Delphine! I claim it!

Facing a demon...

November 14, 2009

I was fine today and then I had to face a demon which has attached itself to me as if it had never left me. I quit smoking about 14 years ago and 2 weeks ago I was so anxious and unhappy that I took up the habit and in the process succumbed to its addiction -- as if I had never quit. As if not even one day had transpired.

Very self deprecating at this point. Not happy with myself. Why? Well, I have not been able to breathe for 4 days or so. My lungs are so congested and tight that it is giving me physical ailments. That is not right. I have had my share of ailments this year and do not have to intentionally bring one upon myself.

I am going to try not to smoke tomorrow so we will see. I will keep you informed. It is hard because my significant other smokes. But I am what some in a negative way would refer to me as “stubborn” and I choose to say “determined!” So I will use this determination and embark into a tobacco free life!

P.S.: Found this photo and it looks so discusting that I will keep it there to remind me what my lungs might be feeling...

Pasteles y Mami...

Last night my neighbor Debbie told me I could have the pasteles that I made with Mami 2 years ago. My eyes watered and I had a Hallmark moment. Tonight I made arroz con gandules (rice and pidgeon peas) and the pasteles.

In memory of Mami who helped me through the arduous process here is a picture.

Last month was mami's death anniversary and I forgot about it on the actual date. Maybe for the best... but here I am today thinking about her as I ate.

BASIL HARVEST PARTY 11/1/09

My beautiful basil plant gave me the fruits of her nectar with such vigor. As you will note in the photos, some of the leaves were about 3 inches long! I have learned the precise moment in which to pick the leaves… when they are still in their splendor… just before the flowers arrive. Why? So they do not deter the leaves from receiving all the nutrients in full force. The flowers consume the leaves’ chlorophyll. Therefore, depleting the nutritional value of same.

My cousins came to celebrate the harvest! My baby and I went to the supermarket and bought all the things we could think we could share with the pesto, including marinating small fresh mozzarella balls, grape tomatoes, bread sticks, apples, French bread, tortellini, and home made croutons. We served all the “tapas”and the pesto on small plates and it was a smorgasbord of pesto for about 2 hours.

The next day we commented that we would not eat pesto for a while We were saturated. Because its magnificent flavor engulfed us … no need to say that we overate with delight and total enthusiasm...

My Hemingway!

The beach with the man I love proved to be an experience for me.

I felt I was 8 again in Isla Verde before there was a paved road at what now is the Pine Grove apartments’ beach. One of my sisters lives there! Sister of the heart! She stabilizes me when I feel out of control with my demons! This sister took me to the mountains of Puerto Rico where we deposited mami’s ashes. I love her. My other sister lives in “Los Pinos” also in Isla Verde. She gives me strength with a spiritual and positive approach to harsh subjects which she, her mother and I share in common.

My daddy and I used to drive to the beach every Sunday alone. My mom and my sister rarely joined us. It was a bonding daughter/father experience. I learned many camping tricks during those Sundays. He taught me the mundane use of the leaves of “uvas playeras” or beach grape leaves. It gave me some “survival instincts” that I still use to this day. I laugh about it. Yes my significant other asked me when I was the happiest in my life and I today can tell him with certainty that it was between the age of 5-10 years old.

Today I felt I was 8 again…


Back in our lovely Miami city apartment… Sat at the breakfast nook as my baby brought the perfect breakfast to a perfect morning. After I finished and he was still eating I glanced over to look at him. His windblown hair made me think of us just getting off a sailboat… it made me feel that I was sitting next to the eccentric Hemingway. It took me then to the Key West and felt myself walking on the grounds and gardens of Hemingway’s home… I realized, what a paradise he found in those waters of the Caribbean! I found mine today with My Hemingway!

Luis Fonsi, David Bisbal... FELICIDADES!

Aqui esta: Aqui Estoy Yo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJD4BjY5jUA

Acceptance leads to empowering ...

When we accept and acknowledge others lives and passions, we render power to others and in turn feel it ourselves.

Go into this day empowering someone in your lives by just acknowledging something special and sharing same with them.

My 113... (11/3/09)

My eleven three...

Today I woke up to remembering those words spoken to me last night... being free to discuss our past lives without any repercussions, knowing the person next to you is your best friend. Not caring of others past lives is a limiting thought in a relationship. Limiting thoughts disrupt the flow and inhibit growth. I felt like an enlightened worm. So small for a few hours. As my sisters would say, "he was the bigger man here!" So I share my new knowledge. I wonder how many times it will take before I learn the lesson. Takes some time. It does not come with ease. But once it is learned it is there for a very long time.

I heard the sound of my sisters in DC singing this song so as to "lighten up sister!” God I miss you ladies. Why don’t you all come the second week in December and we live it up. Rent a van and drive down. 5 can drive and get here in 5-4 hour shifts. 18 hours. You can do it… Do it!

I guess the question here is? How deep is your love... how deep... by the Bee Gees
Old song:

http://bit.ly/Uk0wy

Deepak Chopra: just as a melody is created in the interval between notes, the universe is created in the interval between thoughts...

and I say, yes it is... it IS the seconds in between...

I leave you with 5 words of the day: powerful flow love illumined peace