An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: "Want coffee."The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter "Want coffee." The waiter says "Whoa! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says ..
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
... need to find myself
Have you ever felt that no matter what you did or expressed that it would be taken or be wrong? Well I have for one week discussed the same subject with someone and now that we are talked out, I feel that everything I have said or done for the last weeks has brought the worse reaction.
I am in a heightened emotional state and very depressed. Need a lot of love and I choose to push my loved ones away. Now that is kind of an oxymoron.
My self value, my self esteem have plumetted to the lowest state since my son took off to go to Seattle, WA about 3 or 4 years ago. He is ill, so it troubled me. Now the circumstances are at their lowest and my life is taking a very big beating. My soul is aching all the time. My body is hurting all the time... cannot stop the stomach from reacting adversely if you know what I mean. There is nothing that I have kept inside it for the last 48 hours.
I have been for over a week hurting someone that I care very much about and today he was the angryest I have ever heard him on the phone. This upsets me tremendously that I can have that effect on someone. And at the same time it hurts me terribly that I am doing this, provoking this in another human being, specially one you love so dearly. You know when they tell you that phrase that we all hate, "I need space!"
Wow, how much I can hurt someone to produce these adverse reactions. God is my witness that my intent was not adverse, but it does not matter. The effect was brutal and I am not functioning well as a beautiful, loving person that I usually, most of the time, am. People do love me you know. Need to remind myself of this, but regardless of this... I need to find myself and the love I have for myself which has totally vanished. You ever feel this way?
I am in a heightened emotional state and very depressed. Need a lot of love and I choose to push my loved ones away. Now that is kind of an oxymoron.
My self value, my self esteem have plumetted to the lowest state since my son took off to go to Seattle, WA about 3 or 4 years ago. He is ill, so it troubled me. Now the circumstances are at their lowest and my life is taking a very big beating. My soul is aching all the time. My body is hurting all the time... cannot stop the stomach from reacting adversely if you know what I mean. There is nothing that I have kept inside it for the last 48 hours.
I have been for over a week hurting someone that I care very much about and today he was the angryest I have ever heard him on the phone. This upsets me tremendously that I can have that effect on someone. And at the same time it hurts me terribly that I am doing this, provoking this in another human being, specially one you love so dearly. You know when they tell you that phrase that we all hate, "I need space!"
Wow, how much I can hurt someone to produce these adverse reactions. God is my witness that my intent was not adverse, but it does not matter. The effect was brutal and I am not functioning well as a beautiful, loving person that I usually, most of the time, am. People do love me you know. Need to remind myself of this, but regardless of this... I need to find myself and the love I have for myself which has totally vanished. You ever feel this way?
A respite from homelessness... for our vets
"Stand Down, a 3-day program in San Diego, offers free housing and social services to help homeless veterans affected by disability, substance abuse or the economy get back on their feet." San Diego JournalHere is the link to the full article http://digg.com/u19S2J
"According to V.A. estimates, the overall number of homeless veterans declined in recent years, from about 250,000 who lacked shelter at some point in 2006 to perhaps 200,000 last year. "
"The agency has so far detected about 3,700 homeless veterans who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, but with one million troops now home from these regions and more returning every week, Mr. Dougherty said, that figure is sure to climb. In an ominous harbinger, a recent study found that more than one-third of Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans who enrolled in the veterans’ health system since 2001 had already displayed post-traumatic stress disorder, depression or other mental health problems."
***
I was very happy to read this. Wanted to share with you. There is a video there also that I could not upload, but very informative. Homelessness in America is a shame to this government. It is imperative that they do something about it. Have to give people their dignity. As a blogger told me, "it is a right to have a roof over your head in America." When will we take care of our own?
...NOONE WILL BELIEVE YOU
This is what The Huffington Post just sent out:Sarah Palin, we hardly knew ye: The Alaska governor steps down on Sunday. So what's next? "Palin has said little about any major moves, but has hinted that she has a bigger role in mind. She is scheduled to speak Aug. 8 at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in California, and has said she plans to write a book, campaign for political candidates from coast to coast and build a right-of-center coalition," according to the Associated Press. "We'll play it by ear," Todd Palin told Politico. "We'll take a little breather and go from there."
***
Well, Sarah, you can 't even read the newspaper and you want to write a book! English is not my first language but I sure know that I can express myself better than you. Maybe you can hire me to write it for you and it will appear to be written by you. If you have a real writer write it, NOONE WILL BELIEVE YOU! By the way Todd, of course you are taking a little breather... you have a book contract! Best deal in the world, ask Hillary Clinton. This will probably put you in the millionaire category.
It never seizes to amaze me how in America anyone can have their moment of fame regardless of whether or not they are offering anything valuable to the world.
RUSH or no RUSH...
This is http://www.mariopiperni.com/ blog on The Greatness of Rush Limbaugh
Go into the link above and watch the video interview. Rush is a sick puppy. But you know what? As I was listening to him on the video interview I could even discern that he may even consider running for President. Now why did I get that impression? Oh well, you have to go in yourself and try to figure it out. He also thinks that the Dems are afraid of Sarah Palin. Well, well, well, now there Rush you overstayed your welcome....
Not a Glimpse
I wrote this after not hearing from my son for a month.
Not a Glimpse
July 12, 2009
In the dark and early hours of this warm summer morning
i ponder within the depths of my ailing soul
oh, is there a need for it to be so dark in here?
is there not a glimpse of light in the journey?
i am surrounded by darkness
i am surrounded by nothingness
i have no wish or desire to fall asleep
as the day comes upon us i decide to just be
will i sleep today?
will i feel my soul again?
why was the life and light zapped out of it?
and for what purpose?
Not a Glimpse
July 12, 2009
In the dark and early hours of this warm summer morning
i ponder within the depths of my ailing soul
oh, is there a need for it to be so dark in here?
is there not a glimpse of light in the journey?
i am surrounded by darkness
i am surrounded by nothingness
i have no wish or desire to fall asleep
as the day comes upon us i decide to just be
will i sleep today?
will i feel my soul again?
why was the life and light zapped out of it?
and for what purpose?
... out of a dark pit
I wrote this subsequent to knowing my son was alive after a month of not knowing.
... out of a dark pit
July 21, 2009
coming out of a dark pit
scent of angst at every juncture
vigorous, controlling, and commanding
my soul's succumbing to nothingness
how far down can I fall before my soul is taken
how low can this love drive my soul to perdition
it takes it to a dark and oppressive place
a place where air does not reach my lungs
leaving behind my footprints
a path of devastation, wreckage
of every soul I touched
blowing every candle of hope...
... out of a dark pit
July 21, 2009
coming out of a dark pit
scent of angst at every juncture
vigorous, controlling, and commanding
my soul's succumbing to nothingness
how far down can I fall before my soul is taken
how low can this love drive my soul to perdition
it takes it to a dark and oppressive place
a place where air does not reach my lungs
leaving behind my footprints
a path of devastation, wreckage
of every soul I touched
blowing every candle of hope...
A threat ... Not a threat...
I just wanted to share this thought because I found this to be a threatening response to a blog I wrote and the person responding said that I did not understand because English was my second language, and that it was not a threat:
"But in case you’re serious, try being abusive to the readers here or expressing yourself by way of graphic sexual imagery…and you’ll have your answer in a flash."
My question here is, does the response above sound threatening to you? What do you think?
This was a response to a discussion of how far people can go in expressing themselves on a blog since some people were expressing sexual innuendos. So I asked if graphic sexual imagery was allowed and how far is far.
Just don't know if I there is something I am missing in the quote above that I should learn about this English language. Can someone help me out?
"But in case you’re serious, try being abusive to the readers here or expressing yourself by way of graphic sexual imagery…and you’ll have your answer in a flash."
My question here is, does the response above sound threatening to you? What do you think?
This was a response to a discussion of how far people can go in expressing themselves on a blog since some people were expressing sexual innuendos. So I asked if graphic sexual imagery was allowed and how far is far.
Just don't know if I there is something I am missing in the quote above that I should learn about this English language. Can someone help me out?
Saturday, July 25, 2009
This morning...
I wrote a post this morning because I was very frustrated and feeling very inadequate. In this regard, I just reread it and it seems that my problem is that my focus has been primarily on myself and for good reason(s).
I cannot look beyond the "I" it seems. Overload!
If I have offended anyone in the last 6 weeks, forgive me and if you know me, you know I don't mean to hurt you. But I always do.
I cannot look beyond the "I" it seems. Overload!
If I have offended anyone in the last 6 weeks, forgive me and if you know me, you know I don't mean to hurt you. But I always do.
In response to Late Night Humor...
This is from http://www.mariopiperni.com/ It is too funny not to share. So here it is. Loved these comments. Or you can go to the site and see it for yourself at: http://digg.com/u19PCq
***
From Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor Blog…
“According to a new poll, 42% of Americans say they would vote for Sarah Palin for president in 2012. They also said they’d support her decision to step down in 2013.” –Conan O’Brien
“But the governor of South Carolina, Governor Sanford has lately been seen not wearing his wedding ring. And I was thinking, geez, I hope he didn’t lose it while he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Then he’ll never find it.” –David Letterman
“President Obama throws out the first pitch at the All-Star Game. And people are criticizing him because he had the big baggy jeans on…I want to tell you something. In all honesty, if we had wanted a president who looked good in pants, we’d have elected Hillary.” –David Letterman
“The tag Republicans kept throwing to hang around Sonia Sotomayor’s neck was ‘reverse racist.’ They said, you know, it’s reverse racists like her that give regular racists like them a bad name.” –Bill Maher
“The astronauts went on a space walk today to change the batteries on the outside of the International Space Station. They hope the space walk will answer some key questions…Like, who put the batteries on the outside of the space station?” –Craig Ferguson
***
** Mario thank you for sharing these. They are really funny. Needed funny. :)
In response to: Cheney's Ugly Side...
Cheney invading homes in Chicago utilizing the military. This man does not shock me at all. He is like Dr. Evil. Nothing will stand in his way. Nice work by Mario and I like the illustration. Way to go.
http://digg.com/u19PAM
What do you think?
http://digg.com/u19PAM
What do you think?
Questioning my existence...
Questioning my existence because it seems that every juncture has a challenge.
I seem to be hurting all the people I love today.
The shoes are meant to lighten up the load for me. They represent wonderful moments of joy spent wearing them.
So with that thought I will close this blog knowing that my existence is clear as far as the shoes are concerned. Is it so with everything else?
Yes, I do own these exact same shoes and my honey and I, but specially my honey, loves them.
Maybe looking at the shoes will make me see that my life is good and that someone out there loves me.
tabola rassa... keep me from getting dissapointed
All of a sudden the skys darkened and lightning and thunder are doing their light/sound show. Rain so softly falls and all of a sudden I hear all the car alarms going off with the lightning so so close it came simultaneous with the thunder.
Yes as you may know it just got very very dark in Miami-Dade and it is softly raining. Feels peaceful and nice. The idea of ordering breakfast from Sergios sounds very appealing. God they make the best cuban coffee and when it arrives it is still hot! Not only that, they deliver until midnight! Want to see a fun site... this is Sergios: http://www.sergios.com/ It even has some nice latin jazz!
I used to hate Miami, but it is growing on me. The longer I stay the more I love it. Its idyosincracies are growing on me. So am I getting more and more jaded by the city? Who knows?
So here I am and everyone is wondering what I want to do today, what plans I have... and I am in a state of being... productive, unproductive, determine, undetermined, etc. It is the same each and every day -- tabola rassa -- it keeps me from being dissapointed.
Live as a free spirited woman is all I want for today.
Yes as you may know it just got very very dark in Miami-Dade and it is softly raining. Feels peaceful and nice. The idea of ordering breakfast from Sergios sounds very appealing. God they make the best cuban coffee and when it arrives it is still hot! Not only that, they deliver until midnight! Want to see a fun site... this is Sergios: http://www.sergios.com/ It even has some nice latin jazz!
I used to hate Miami, but it is growing on me. The longer I stay the more I love it. Its idyosincracies are growing on me. So am I getting more and more jaded by the city? Who knows?
So here I am and everyone is wondering what I want to do today, what plans I have... and I am in a state of being... productive, unproductive, determine, undetermined, etc. It is the same each and every day -- tabola rassa -- it keeps me from being dissapointed.
Live as a free spirited woman is all I want for today.
The Pastor's Ass...
After I wrote the previous blog today I found this very old joke which shows us not to worry about what others think. Just wanted to share it with you. Enjoy. This is not meant to say that we should not listen to others. We should, but when the final decision comes, it is ultimately ours. I have learned that the hard way as a caregiver.
***
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer! Have a nice day!
***
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer! Have a nice day!
In response to an open thread...
Today a dear friend asked me to change my name on his blog page so as not to let the world know that I am his dear friend. Funny how that works. Isn't that like an oxymoron? Well I am his dear friend and his webpage is his sweetheart so don't get me wrong. I am in the losing end of the stick as far as that is concerned. lol
So as I ponder as to what name to use, I realize that I don't want to use none but my own. I then thought that I should just come and write here in my blogpage in response to there. Wouldn't that be nice? I can then say and do whatever I want. I would just have to have a link. Oooh no, don't think a link to my mind would be good for that website! lol
Nothing makes sense as far as the rest of the world is concerned, but I know what to do, and I will. Here noone dictates my writing, my moods, my anything. That concept makes me smile. Nice liberating sensation... wow. Needed this.
This is my blog and this is where it is really happening for me. So here I am. Now I have to package this baby to get it rolling.
So tell me what it is that you want today. This is what I want:
So as I ponder as to what name to use, I realize that I don't want to use none but my own. I then thought that I should just come and write here in my blogpage in response to there. Wouldn't that be nice? I can then say and do whatever I want. I would just have to have a link. Oooh no, don't think a link to my mind would be good for that website! lol
Nothing makes sense as far as the rest of the world is concerned, but I know what to do, and I will. Here noone dictates my writing, my moods, my anything. That concept makes me smile. Nice liberating sensation... wow. Needed this.
This is my blog and this is where it is really happening for me. So here I am. Now I have to package this baby to get it rolling.
So tell me what it is that you want today. This is what I want:
- I want to be able to say and do whatever I want and not be taken adversely or criticized. [friend said that this is if I wanted to live in a world by myself]
- I want to be able to express myself without feeling inadequate at other's interpretation or response to my feelings.
- I want to be able to feel free to come, go, stay, leave, whenever for whatever reason and that it is ok and not questioned and that my reason is my reason and it does not have to make sense to anyone. [friend said that this is ok if I wanted to live in a world by myself]
- I want to be able to be happy, sad, concerned, angry, disgrunted, pist, peaceful or whatever emotion one has and not be labeled or judged for feeling it too many days in a row or for a period of time not quite acceptable for the person doing the judging.
- I want to be able to just be and know that out there there is someone that sees me just the way I am and they don't want to change a thing about me, because they love me, and gently work together to resolve the personal baggage we both carry.
- I want this person to accept me and not judge me.
- I want the monster in my chest to go completely.
- I want to just be who I am and it will be ok.
Is it possible? What do you think?
Friday, July 24, 2009
A new beginning
Today I embarck into a new beginning embracing each and every juncture. One in which I have to be consistent about carrying out my decisions.
I am very happy to be alive today. Last night my mami came to me in my sleep and advised me to relax that all is good and that I will succeed in everything ... and then there was nothingness. You know I woke up. Was this a figment of my imagination or was she really sending me a message?
How did she know that last night of all nights I was in need of her warmth? Not necessarily her advice because we never saw eye to eye. But just her motherly care... and to know that she believes in me on a night that I lost myself. A night of emptiness vs. a night of enlightment.
Thank you mami, whether you were or not in my life last night. I needed your warmth and you comforted me. Thank you mami.
Another thing, if this is really you, please go help your grandchild. He really needs you!
I am very happy to be alive today. Last night my mami came to me in my sleep and advised me to relax that all is good and that I will succeed in everything ... and then there was nothingness. You know I woke up. Was this a figment of my imagination or was she really sending me a message?
How did she know that last night of all nights I was in need of her warmth? Not necessarily her advice because we never saw eye to eye. But just her motherly care... and to know that she believes in me on a night that I lost myself. A night of emptiness vs. a night of enlightment.
Thank you mami, whether you were or not in my life last night. I needed your warmth and you comforted me. Thank you mami.
Another thing, if this is really you, please go help your grandchild. He really needs you!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
one that lingers...
There is a feeling, a sensation, a moment…
one that lingers…
thus reinventing itself every day…
should I call it love?
should I call it life with you?
should I just feel it?
should I not define its nature?
should I just surrender to it?
I dedicate this to you (and you know who you are) and to all those out there who think they are in love! Don't think it! Feel it!
one that lingers…
thus reinventing itself every day…
should I call it love?
should I call it life with you?
should I just feel it?
should I not define its nature?
should I just surrender to it?
***
I dedicate this to you (and you know who you are) and to all those out there who think they are in love! Don't think it! Feel it!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
My new life and so so many questions...
It is July 19, 2009 and I wrote this within the last month.
I feel vulnerable today and petrified. After my mother passed away and my son left home I had not realized how much this had affected me personally. I do have family in Miami and have hidden away from them and anyone I can get close to, anyone with the exception of the new person in my life. Maybe this creates an extra burden on him trying to listen to all my challenges. I don’t know.
Will I be a good partner to this person that has made an impact in my life?
Will I learn to be a good partner or will he get tired of me?
Will we learn from each other or is it going to be a one way street?
Afraid not to measure up to so many people, his family. So many people inquiring about you… so many people caring… for some reason it does not feel comforting. Why? Because I do not have the same background. Don't get me wrong I welcome this family into my life, but will I? I have issues getting close to my own!
I just have to trust my universe and my loved one and in so doing reach the level of intimacy that I so desire! :)
I feel vulnerable today and petrified. After my mother passed away and my son left home I had not realized how much this had affected me personally. I do have family in Miami and have hidden away from them and anyone I can get close to, anyone with the exception of the new person in my life. Maybe this creates an extra burden on him trying to listen to all my challenges. I don’t know.
Will I be a good partner to this person that has made an impact in my life?
Will I learn to be a good partner or will he get tired of me?
Will we learn from each other or is it going to be a one way street?
Afraid not to measure up to so many people, his family. So many people inquiring about you… so many people caring… for some reason it does not feel comforting. Why? Because I do not have the same background. Don't get me wrong I welcome this family into my life, but will I? I have issues getting close to my own!
I just have to trust my universe and my loved one and in so doing reach the level of intimacy that I so desire! :)
Note to Daddy - Just Because!
To my dearest Daddy on this day:
I remember the times I used to hide in the back floor of the 1952 Chevy when you were going to get a beer at the neighborhood pub.
You taught me to be inquisitive and to find answers to my questions by research. This was a valuable lesson that I have taken seriously over the years. Growing up I spoke English to you and you would speak back to me in Spanish. It was a bit strange but it served its purpose of both of us learning how to at least speak a different language fluently.
Daddy you vanished from my life after college and did not surface until about 1990, 18 years later. When I saw you so many years later and you were in that hospital bed in Brooklyn, I felt numb. Did not feel this was you, my childhood hero laying there. It was a moment of realization. I was numb. Feeling of numbness made me sad. Sad that the love and adoration I felt for this man laying there was gone. Completely vanished.
***
I had written this for father's day and never got around to it since I was planning trip to Montreal. So here it is. Just a note to Daddy.
I remember the times I used to hide in the back floor of the 1952 Chevy when you were going to get a beer at the neighborhood pub.
You taught me to be inquisitive and to find answers to my questions by research. This was a valuable lesson that I have taken seriously over the years. Growing up I spoke English to you and you would speak back to me in Spanish. It was a bit strange but it served its purpose of both of us learning how to at least speak a different language fluently.
Daddy you vanished from my life after college and did not surface until about 1990, 18 years later. When I saw you so many years later and you were in that hospital bed in Brooklyn, I felt numb. Did not feel this was you, my childhood hero laying there. It was a moment of realization. I was numb. Feeling of numbness made me sad. Sad that the love and adoration I felt for this man laying there was gone. Completely vanished.
***
I had written this for father's day and never got around to it since I was planning trip to Montreal. So here it is. Just a note to Daddy.
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