Facing a demon...

November 14, 2009

I was fine today and then I had to face a demon which has attached itself to me as if it had never left me. I quit smoking about 14 years ago and 2 weeks ago I was so anxious and unhappy that I took up the habit and in the process succumbed to its addiction -- as if I had never quit. As if not even one day had transpired.

Very self deprecating at this point. Not happy with myself. Why? Well, I have not been able to breathe for 4 days or so. My lungs are so congested and tight that it is giving me physical ailments. That is not right. I have had my share of ailments this year and do not have to intentionally bring one upon myself.

I am going to try not to smoke tomorrow so we will see. I will keep you informed. It is hard because my significant other smokes. But I am what some in a negative way would refer to me as “stubborn” and I choose to say “determined!” So I will use this determination and embark into a tobacco free life!

P.S.: Found this photo and it looks so discusting that I will keep it there to remind me what my lungs might be feeling...